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(:E cries at...


Hernan's Blog of Hate!

[ Sunday, December 29, 2002 ]

 

It's been a hars days night (well not realluy aniaght, all day I think, if trhe dirks let me. hehe=)

Wel, todayu y came finally back fgorom Cali, the city of the damned( oif you read the blog you'll understand), I got to bogota at aprox 6.00 430ç aM; (that i 6:30 drunk), after a night whuih I could nt slepp (U just b33n Hax0r3d) and again, I took the fapping bus and U coudlnt sleep, so here I am am all fukerd up, with jno mony and friends, I just stoela jcket in "changos dunno wjhy=) writing the shit foer uyoui to blame me.

-----------well, the surpise was big time, uyou knwo, liliano calles me and told me h"eyt, la gorda is drunk hehhe and she was pregnant anf didnt tell anybody, and now she has a baby, yo got to gice her a present cause she has a babym, and a baby shower, so I get rid of my head ache, and go over tyhere and give her something for her to suffer with the baby, after taht we go to el chango with Diego Campo, better known as piugidik. I also saw Alexandra over there edo, 1 ditnt ay much but I think she send s you salutes and stuff, a bhig clit, I guess heheh, but weel that's not hte caseñ. Thing is, damn we go to el chango with curubo, and we get motherfucking dfriunk. And I know tommorrwo I'll get this big worst hreadache ever, but its ok, cause you must live life dammit, learn that. you nerds form fapping fappest hell. (fap = jack off) oh baby I feel like the music sounds better with you love might btring us back together.

LKevae you. I going to slkeep. But cant stop thinking bout chiqui, a hell of a wman.the pig knopw,even tho he has a girlfriend, and she changed haircut. DAMIT YEAH; THE GORDA, PIG's COURIN NOW HAS A BABY., If you understand ok, go to hell, if not, better. hehe chao. fucker.s

aatt HYATE HATEHAHTAHTE HAHETE.

Hernán [2:32 AM] -

[ Friday, December 20, 2002 ]

 

Angelitos Empantanados (o Apología inversa de Cali)

¿Quién mejor para hablar de Cali que un ex-Berchmans? A continuación varias citas con respecto a Cali, por obra y gracia de Andrés Caicedo (qepd), quien estudió en el Colegio Berchmans de Cali aprox. 20 años antes que yo:

"El sol. Como estar sentado en un parque y no decir nada. La una y media de la tarde. Camino caminas. Caminar con un amigo y mirar a todo el mundo. Cali a estas horas es una ciudad extraña. Por eso es que digo esto. Por ser Cali y por ser extraña, y por ser a pesar de todo una ciudad ramera.

-Mirá, allá viene la negra esa.

(…) Pasa la negra-modelo. Mira y no mira. Ridiculez. Sus 1,80 pasan y repasan. Sonríe con satisfacción. Camina más allá y ondula todo, toditico su cuerpo. Se pierde por fin entre la gente, ¿y queda pasando algo? No, nada. Como siempre."

En Cali todo el mundo desfila. Y en donde sea. ¿Que sería de Cali sin el "qué dirán"? En Cali la gente sale a que la miren. Esta singular actitud ocasiona muchos fenómenos por ejemplo:

1. Los centros comerciales se la pasan repletos de gente que está fuera de los almacenes, por ahí sentada en cualquier piedra o banquito, o parada, pero siempre con alguien con quien hablar (rajar de los demás), porque salir a que lo vean a uno SOLO es en extremo vulnerable. Así que la gente sale a que la vean con alguien. Muy chicaneros. Así obtienen seguridad. Entonces, la gente sale a que la miren, opinen, y ya. Nada más.

2. A veces es difícil salir en Cali sin encontrarse con alguien (de quien rajar luego), porque es un pueblo grande. Los chismes evitablemente corren de boca en boca, de encontrón en encontrón. Se sabe de los compañeros del colegio que no se han visto en años. ¿Por qué? Mucho chisme. Les encanta, y en un pueblo donde solo hay cine y salsa ¿qué hace uno el resto del tiempo?

3. La feria de Cali es un fenómeno increíblemente estresante para los nativos, es la oportunidad de lucirse en un periódico, de que lo vean a uno a gran escala, de enmarcar el artículo para que lo vean por décadas. Pero vaya y embárrela. Y ahora peor, que salen fotos no solo en el suplemento especial del periódico "El país", sino en la web… O peor aún, vaya y pase algo, ¡y no esté ahí para verlo!

"Todo era igual las otras veces. Una fiesta. Algo en la cual uno trata desesperadamente de cambiar la tediosa rutina, pero nunca puede. Una fiesta igual a todas, con algunos seductores que hacen estragos en las virginidades femeninas (…) Una fiesta con numeritos que están mirando al que acaba de entrar, el tipo que se bajó de un carro último modelo. Una fiesta con uno que otro marica bien camuflado (…) Una fiesta con muchachas que nunca se han dejado besar del novio, y que por equivocación, son lindas. Y también con F. Upegui que entra pomposamente, viste una chaqueta roja, hace sus poses de ocasión y mira a todos lados para mirar miradas. Una fiesta con la mamá de la dueña de la casa, que admira el baile de su hijita, pero la muy estúpida no sabe, no se imagina ni siquiera lo que hace su distinguida hija cuando está sola con un muchacho, y le gusta de veras. Una fiesta donde los más hipócritas creen estar con Dios, maldita sea, y lo que están es defecándose por poder amacizar a la novia de su amigo… piensan en Dios y se defecan con toda calma mientras piensan en poder quitársela."

La gente en Cali tiene un problema. No se dan cuenta de que TODOS tienen los mismos patrones de comportamiento. Como le pasa a todos los gatos, que se lamen la pata y luego se limpian la cara, o que caminan estirados, con la cola como antena y rozando las piernas de todo el mundo. Podrían manipular masas con eso. ¿Cómo son iguales?

4. Ya sabemos que salen a la calle a "mirar miradas". Pero se visten igual, se comportan igual, hombres y mujeres, del más rico de ciudad jardín al más pobre de agua blanca. La ombliguera, el descaderado, las sandalias y la cadenita justo encima del tobillo. La camisa de leñador con jeans, correa café y zapatos apaches (entre más plata tenga el "mancito-vé", más grueso el material de la camisa. El de plata se pone camisilla también, o se pone camisa de seda, a lo Charlie Zaa, el trame (visaje) por encima de todo).

5. La mujer caleña es calienta huevos por excelencia. Muy cariñosita (e inocente) se va apoltronando encima del "amigo", acariciando por aquí y por allá, pero no toca el sexo (a pesar de que su actitud lo sugiere). Al final, se puede perfectamente parar e irse, y ya. La mujer caleña sale a que la vean conocidos y extraños, sale a mostrar, como todos los demás. Ver y no tocar. Por eso la salsa (y ahora el vallenato) tienen tanta importancia. Es el lugar donde se puede manosear luego de unos rones, y terminar tirando en la sexta, o en el Geisha.

6. La gente toda su vida se mueve alrededor de la misma gente. Siempre los mismos vecinos, amigos del colegio o del trabajo, las mismas ex novias, y ya. Entonces se cuadran entre ellos, se descuadran, pero vuelven, y las ellas son muy difíciles para con los novios, pero no cuando aparece alguien en una burbuja (toyota de traqueto). Pareciera que todo el mundo tiene su destino escrito. "Vos te la vas a pasar con tal, y vos con tal. Pero el pobre que se quedó sin pareja ¡se jodió!", diceun amigo. La única oportunidad que tiene de tirar un extraño en Cali, alguien sin contexto, es SI TIENE PLATA y COMO SE VE. Ahi llueven (a que las vean claro).

"Conozco un amigo que le da miedo pensar en él, porque sabe que todo lo de él es mentira, que él mismo es una mentira, pero nunca ha podido, puede, podrá aceptarlo. Sí, es un amigo que trata de ser fiel, pero no puede, no, lo imposibilita su cobardía."

7. Luego de que los grandes capos de la mafia cayeron, la gente tuvo que volver a salir con gente normal, y la plata escaseó en serio, pero se debía mantener la imagen a CUALQUIER costo. El caleño por lo general alardea de lo que no es, y de lo que no tiene. De una gran mansión en la que vive, de sus grandes amigos (que le darían la espalda en cualquier momento solo para sentirse mejores, y para ver qué cara pone), de una novia (que no se lo da, y que lo tiene para mostrarlo y que la vean con él), de sus múltiples experiencias "que vos no" (pura basura, allá rara vez se experimenta algo diferente), etc.

8. Mucho marica escondido por allá. Y también mucho marica en serio. En el momento menos esperado resultó alguien diciéndole a uno que buehh…

"…convénzase: por más que uno haga maromas en esta vida, por más que se contorsione entre las apariencias y haga volteretas en medio de los ideales, desemboca uno a la misma parte, siempre lo mismo… lo mismo de siempre. Pero eso no importa, no lo tome tan en serio, porque lo más chistoso, lo más triste de todo, es que usted se puede quedar tranquilamente, s u a v e m e n t e, d e f e c á n d o s e, p u d r i é n d o s e, p o c o  a  p o c o, t ó m e l o  c o n  c a l m a … ¡Calma! ¡Por Dios, tómelo con calma!"

Impotencia. Aquí voy Cali, a tratar de ponerme la máscara de la superficialidad conformista y cómoda, voy a lo mismo de siempre, a chipi-chape, unicentro y la nueva 14, a esperar a ver si pasa algo raro (debería saber que no va a pasar, pero no se pierde la verraca esperanza, ehh!). "Odio a Cali, una ciudad que espera, pero no le abre las puertas a los desesperados".

"Oiga, mire, vea, vengase a Cali para que vea...
Si se me acalora no mire la hora
Cómete un raspao y cuento acabao!"

(Todas las citas son del cuento "Infección" del libro "Calicalabozo" escrito por Andrés Caicedo.)

Hernán [5:53 PM] -

[ Tuesday, December 17, 2002 ]

 

Murphy does Rule (...or cursed our pathetic lives?)

Those live radio appearances are so funny, for the interlocutor at the other side (I laughed a lot hearing the most funny headbangers speaking live), there comes this guy and says: "ok, you're on air now (so watch out for funny noises by the phone!). Dont forget to lower your radio volume to the most possible (to avoid feedback)" -uh huh...

Lucho metales: "it's 00:03 in the morning, and we establish phone contact with Hernan Rojas, founder guitarrist of the band Ulf Reich, Hernan very good evening, welcome!"

(...silence...) (I was speaking a lot and very well I think)

- "Hernan?"

(I realize nobody had heard me and I laugh. JUST THERE the guy at the mixing console punches me into the thing...)

JUST THERE, so I begin with a stupid laugh! Murphy. And lucho metales laughs too of course!...

The rest worked fine. But damn, last time, at "4 canales" (another program) I began with a triumphant "gallo", weather was so cold and rainy and my voice just didnt work... :( Maybe I'll release a mp3 file with the most embarrasing moments, for you to laugh (tease me forever)...

Santa is premature...

I have 2 gifts for you.

1. Talking to sergio on messenger or some shit, he made me remember the funny sexy losers comic strip. Yesterday monday I read them all!! (by his own recommendation) all 165 strips to date, more than 3 full years (1 strip a week)! And I chose the best, the one that still makes me laugh, may be not hentai porn or the most brilliant one (hey, it's hentai manga!). Here you go!

2. The other surprise I have is this sexy photo ;), in the best style of the 80's, I know pong and sergio will love this one:

(Hey, I think the car is smiling too :) )

(The shitty freeservers.com dont allow linking of images from remote sites, hence the iframe, sorry to make you scroll a bit!) Bad bye.



Hernán [9:00 PM] -

[ Sunday, December 15, 2002 ]

 

Tonight at El final de los Tiempos...


You'd say "this fapper's crazy posting something today!", and after posting so much mugre yesterday, but this may be your chance to hear my melodious voice on the radio (heheh, I thought I'd never say this again, in past oportunities I did my duties telling my friends about radio interviews, but none of them heard a single word out of my mouth in the radio).



So here's your change to leave me talking alone, today Sunday Dic the 15th, I will be presenting some metal news at "El final de los tiempos", radio program hosted by the infamous Lucho "metales" Barrera. Why me? Lucho metales made a new move in his program by getting different musicians from the metal genre to tell the metal news they please.. I'm so disconnected from metal, that I didnt know what Copa (one of Ulf Reich's ex-drummers) was doing at the time, and according to Lucho, he's now a member of the "Warriors of the Light" a rolo heavy metal band (Funny because Copa hates heavy metal, its high pitched vocals and its twisted tales of warriors, heros, legends and other allucinating stuff!), powerful here because, the founder guitarrist represents Nuclear Blast in Colombia (sells the records at Import Nation in Via Libre "mall", just beside the infamous nutabes), and also brings a lot of heavy metal bands to play here (stratovarius, yngwie malmsteen, hammerfall, stuff like that).



(There's one thing you oughta know. Metal is a radical genre, requires you to be full of hate! (not as radical as punk in late 70's!) But Heavy metal is much WORSE!! For a fan of heavy metal, there's no Thrash or Speed or Death or Black or nothing! Blinded by the holy light that constantly consumes (their) minds)



Lucho is friends with Copa, and they ended up speculating what happened to me. So last night I fell asleep at less than 10:00 PM! and this guy calls me at about 11:00 PM, so I woke up from my bed like a zombie and there he was at the line... Lucho metales may be one of the most radical persons I've met ever (along with some blind christians and Alexis' Chicago aunt!) but he remembers and respects Ulf Reich (he once said we were the best band ever in this country even when our live act sucked thanx to sound and stage engineers, if you can call'em that!)



EL FINAL DE LOS TIEMPOS 99.1 F.M. en Bogota.
Domingos desde las 10pm hasta la 1am - Solo MeTaL!!!



Lucho said we'll be on air at about 11:15 PM, and that would be a record! because I only had interviews aired at 12:00 or more!



Farebad

Hernán [9:47 AM] -

[ Saturday, December 14, 2002 ]

 

The death of Ulrica

Well I've been kinda busy this last nights, sadly there hasnt been so much time for h8! There's been a lot of stress at the office, but now saturday morning I find the space to be here, writing "mugre" for you!


This days I've been meeting with some people I didnt see in a long time, Vulpecula being one of them, as you read in his blog, and there's always space for the same question, over and over, "what ever happened to your band?" Is a tough question, because I never wanted to keep the songs for myself, that was a worry for me and for Alexis Ariza, one of my 2 best friends in life, a hell of a psychologist, and the bassist of the band, and I swear we did what we could, but that was it. I ended up keeping the songs for myself. (DAMN! I cant help writing "mysql" when I want to write "myself"!!)


Alexis suggested we should form a band, late in 1995 when he got from Chicago (long story escaping militar service) and I got from Boston (english studies -and a lot of bud-). He thought I didnt suck at playing (I'll always suck a bit), even when I didnt play much in those times. The band SUCKED! We were 3 guitars, along with Omar Salazar, my other best friend and a veterinarian, playing at my house's living room. We were incredibly different in every aspect for being friends, we didnt like the same music, and that's what eventually helped us getting a different sound:


Alexis: Celtas Cortos, Miguel Bose, Heroes del Silencio, Robi Draco, Life, Cranberries (Soft Rock)
Omar: Death, Morbid Angel, Carcass, Obituary, Tiamat, Paradise Lost... (Death, Black & Doom metal)
Me: Megadeth, Annihilator, Slayer, Iron Maiden, Dream Theater and Pink Floyd (Thrash & Progressive)


That was early 1996. We struggled getting a strange version of Echoes (Pink Floyd), What ever that Hurts (Tiamat), Little Horn (Marilyn Manson), Afraid to Shoot Strangers (Iron Maiden)... again, we sucked, and I almost yelled at them sometimes, but we were friends, and sometimes we got the feeling going and got in trance, jamming for 2 hours or more... Those were the great naive times of our music (no media, no production, no pride), when slowly we wrote songs and found a style, that sounded similar to contemporary bands, like Opeth and Anathema. We called ourselves "Ulf Reich" after a scandinavian mythological icon, and lyrics of us written by Alexis (traduced "Ulrica" by Borges).


Ulf Reich's "13 steps to Nowhere":


1. Omar broke his arm playing soccer, leaving us.

2. I knew one of the weirdest persons, Carlos Copaban (Copa), a good drummer inspired by Tommy Lee (Motley Crue's drummer), who everyday wanted to play a different style! He entered the band.

3. Bought a drum kit and a bass, played live once or twice, as a trio.

4. Got a Grindcore vocalist, William Ortiz (now owner of 3 rock bars) introduced by Copa.

5. Copa left (for the first time) to work in a cruise, entered Luis Ramirez -Lucho, death metal drummer, introduced by William.

6. William and Lucho couldnt get along, so William leaves (knowing his voice sucked for our style).

7. A trio again, never played with Lucho, big fights about the band style made him leave (We were not going to play death metal!)

8. Copa was back after almost a year, re-entered, We recorded (the biggest sacrifice ever) our "Conspiracy" Album, gothic thrash with electronic drums with a humble homemade production. 500 copies. I still have about 150.

9. The band became kinda big in the underground: "El expreso del Rock", "El final de los tiempos", "Aceleracion Progresiva", "Cuatro Canales", "Zona Girante", revista Kamaleon, La rosca, El malpensante, et cétera... very good reviews, even in an underground rock newspaper in Florida (similar to the disappeared Suburbia). That gave us a place at 1999's rock al parque preliminaries, some kind of envy from some integrants from the band "Ethereal", and a place in "Baron Rojo's" concert.

10. All this was blewed away. Copa tried to get us to the big rock al parque by squeezing his connections at the event's organization... We were out of the baron rojo gig, thanks to the influences that moved the band "Sha-I".

11. Copa left again (2nd cruise), we got a new drummer (Ernesto Fernandez - Neto), and a keyboardist (Alexander Cortes), who were strong into jazz, the right kind of musicians our now complex music needed. Now we were into progressive, and in our finest hour. We got management, but it didnt work. When Copa came back he saw himself so outta place that stated he was gonna make a relaxed and funny band... heheh

12. We recorded our finest moments in the "Noise Pack" compilation by artico records (1000 copies I still have about 40), but the break was imminent. Everything the keyboardist played was too jazzy, and they wouldnt play without money in advance! Everyone wanted to play with us, but the conditions wouldnt be the appropiate, keeping in mind that every cost the band generated came out of my pocket!

13. In Enero 2002, we ended the stress. Alexis is doing psychological investigation in Barrancabermeja and surroundings, Alexander graduated from Universidad Nacional as musician, Neto is betting his life on karting, and you know what I'm doing.


There's still some links on google, one is very funny, ensuring Ulf Reich comes from Denmark! hahaha! No one argues I made the 99% of the music in this band, about 50% of the lyrics, and approved any arrange on the songs. I have seven 60min cassetes and a CD recorded with music for the band! Ulf Reich was like a woman (in mythology she is indeed). I couldnt live with or without her, went the road described by Borges in his tale "Ulrica", and ended up keeping the songs for myself. (again the mysql thing!! SHIT!)


Right now I'm doing some electronic music, with so many ideas again, but with a musical "guayabo" that just dont give me the spirit to record something else...


Bye bite me.



Hernán [12:19 PM] -

[ Wednesday, December 11, 2002 ]

 

Today's Hardcore Thought stuck to my mind: Goodbye Resort.


What's left for you logging into a chat where nobody says a single thing? Do people use chats to idle until death? Scandalizing idling times are one reason... And the race to see who's deluded enough to be on the Top 25 spodders. There are years there. Just think of it YEARS OF TIME WASTED LOGGED ON! I can say I've been about 22 months frequenting the shit, and I didnt get to 22 days. Besides, what can you say about people using macros to keep them logged? Am I really anxious to talk to robots? That's the dream of every spod there, to have an automaton fed with the spod's thought patterns, and go away, idling, while the macro chats for him/her.


Another thing, Vulpecula said something to me yesterday: "Resort's golden age was the first months of 2001". I first logged in in february 2001, and I stayed for the hillariousness of the whole thing, blew my mind even when I always hated chats, because you never know who you're talking too.. I remember thinking snapplecase was a woman, tut was anything but FAT, watts was tut, and I remember saying african-american jokes (popular in iguazoland alongside pastuso, Turbay and Jesuschrist(TM) jokes) before knowing ariel better (lucky me!)... I remember:

1. me calling keisuke (funny deprive) "the master" (now he's master... of boring-ness);

2. pigidik (funny atari) and the brain amoeba before realizing the resort was a waste of time;

3. vulpecula letting out all sorts of garbage from his distorted mind ( :-) ) in an attempt to outsmart keisuke at insults; As a result, gaining popularity as the most degradant mind to grace the resort ever!

4. demoness net.marrying docken (now indisputable queen of the island of idling shadows, even her webcam idles).

5. xraymind (funny zapatista) calling pong "Dewey". Who was xraymind anyway :P

6. demoness' Ass channel page, with pics and stuff. (Arepa time fuckers!)

7. domgod's page of Freaks of Nature and friends (the same shit anyway), and her infamous emails with spod's dirty pics! :)

8. snapplecase hailing stileproject.com!

9. viralex and vulpecula inviting psycho (aka "el pacotillas", "paco" for short) to resort for delight of us, perverted and hating minds

10. ravenmistress and trigger, before finding out something more interesting to do with their lives than being on resort..

11. javier greeting me, and talking about colombian politics

12. tato, he who, in about 2 weeks online, came up with "that's huge gay" and was remembered forever

13. azul and his irl Gilligan hat, fapping the shit out of ariel. Computing science masters against Mad Janitors.

14. ariel and the infamous "guess what? - I have a date!" undivisible statement

15. galactus and his tales of whale spods (Gia...?), and incredibly ABSOLUT losers (ndl...?)


That's what I remember in a few seconds. Those times will never come back, probably, now you enter the char and they ask you for DONATIONS! I knew the party was over. But too late..

So now, I must do as bands like Iron Maiden, Metallica, Anthrax and many ex-great others should have done. I retire before I get boring and old.

Greatness goes to Demoness and her neverending fight against the stupid (which got me totally contagied), and to Dommie, whose clit I'd be glad to lick "to the end of tiiiiiime"...


Today's song comes from Iron Maiden:


o/~ "No more tears, no more tears

If we (idle) for a hundred years, amigos no more tears.." o/~



I'd sing Pink Floyd's "Goodbye blue sky", but I'd have to change the blue sky part, which would piss Roger Waters off, thing I dont want. Hope you liked today's BLOG of HATE! Hate you later fagts :)



Hernán [10:47 PM] -

[ Tuesday, December 10, 2002 ]

 

What sucked today a whole lot?

The thing that most sucked today was not the typical application of Murphy's law to Internet's downloading: "Downloads always fail when they are 99% and usually after a long download time due to 0.5 Kbps download speed or less". It was the last song I needed to finish Anthrax's "Among The Living" believe it or not, you cant find it here. In Iguazoland, country of the damned.. That's not the worst event of the day:



Yes, I was censored, and not by superusers. This must be a record to remember: on the 1st day (a matter of hours), I was added and banned from sergio's "The Evil List". Is really "EVIL" this list? get a peek out of it, read a random paragraph and find out for yourself. I was once almost nuked from a chat by someone who thought was better than me, just for the fact he spends his life there and applied to be a superuser of a chat. This must be the most stupid work you can apply to, since you must be there the most you can, idling most of the time (because when you're superuser no one wants to talk to you) spending your precious time next to the PC, waiting for someone to fuck with you asking stupid shit about what can or cant be done in the chat.



Enough shit, it was not a su, it was a friend, and he didnt say a word. He invited me to blogger.com, and here I am banned. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Must charge anyone's hate...



I'm gonna give you my hate,

I'm gonna give you my hate. Ohh.



Wanna whole lotta hate.

Wanna whole lotta hate.

Wanna whole lotta hate.

Wanna whole lotta hate.





Hernán [5:59 PM] -

 

Top Phrases: Damn this blog moves fast!!

Some of my top phrases according to me (the ones that come to mind for now):



Disclaimer: This are just some sick phrases, out of my childish-hating mind, as it has been called before. I hate for the fun of it, usually. I hate some **CENSORED**. George Michael is an assclown, if you think otherwise, you are too.

There you go fapping fappers from fappest fapping fap. (spods from resort). But dont fap to this shit. Fap to this like everyone else (for we all do it, really, really!). Hate ya lots.


Hernán [10:55 AM] -

 

First Handful and Mouthful for you:

So much to hate, so little time
A new day arrives, more hate comes to mind
Hate is everywhere, on TV, on the news
So many people to hate, everyone's a wuss...

"What can you expect fo find here?"

Of course, the site will be charging in hate as time passes by, just like his author.

This wasnt fun!

Hernán [10:29 AM] -


the hatemachine,
according to svigle