Hernan's Blog of Hate!

[ Wednesday, January 29, 2003 ]

The Overlook Hotel, where you get crazy from loneliness

I logged into resort.org (as the hugest gay "jujy") just to see how much things had changed in a month and a half of not being there:

- Demoness thought I was whippet and ignored me "--> Demoness ignores you."
- I visited my room to find (:E thinking alone. ( (:E = cthulhu )
- I tried catching up with snaps when demoness booted me out of my own room.
- Then both logged off, some kind of lesson for leaving them for a while I suppose... :)

Have you ever been in the situation where you leave your friends (for better or worse, on your own or forced, or just to trying to live differently) and when you wanted to come back you couldn't because you found you didn't belong there anymore?

( This is not a subliminal message nor a calculated indirect for no one, no. :) )

Anyway, when you're in chat programs you can say anything, whatever the reactions, and it doesn't matter. That's what's fun about it, and may be the reason why I'm as hardcore there as I'd like to be in real life, but you slowly become a spod, hence lonely. So I still belong there and, therefore, the case described above is not mine. D, you can kick me out of my own room, and you'll still be the very best. But ass kissing has its limits...

H-8-red for all.

Hernán [10:34 AM] -

[ Thursday, January 23, 2003 ]

The Evil Ring and the Clash of the Egos

Ever since I met him some years ago at Los Andes, Alejo instantaneously became "El Argentino". It was all because he looks like an argentinian, and that version has been corroborated by my group of friends at Los Andes, so it's not just me. Some of you have said he's an arrogant, but I think Alejo is arrogantly entertaining, and he has reasons to be like that (I suppose), don't become a mocking target for him, 'cause he'll set you on fire... I remember what he did to Ariel, poor her.

And the jibba-jabba about what a loser and a winners is or does.. All that has been funny to me, because some people in the ring (I've a bad memory, like 128K, and blogs are too long to search for references) has reminded me about women, in the way they comment something like "oh, you are so rude calling javo a boring person to be with", "Alejo says this, Alejo is that", "you are bad, bad, bad..." heheh... Most women have the ability to listen to your every word, and when you let slide some comment that may offend someone, they get all upset, and you spend like 30 min trying to get back to normal. Don't you?

Or maybe some of you, deep inside, feel your ego offended too because you seem to be/say/do what Alejo catalogues as what a loser is/says/does, when a geek tries and spends his time trying to be cool and feel like a winner doing things no one uses or cares about? Think about it. A geek fights for the respect of the other geeks, but acceptance will never come from the outside. And outside is so small...

It's a maybe. Only a possible maybe :P

A song comes to mind, "The Philosopher" by Death:

Do you feel what I feel, see what I see, hear what I hear
There is a line you must draw between your dream world and reality
Do you live my life or share the breath I breathe

Lies feed your judgement of others
Behold how the blind lead each other
The philosopher... You know so much about nothing at all.

Ideas that fall under shadows of theories that stand tall
Thoughts that grow narrow upon being verbally released
Your mind is not your own,
What sounds more mentally stimulating is how you make your choice
So you preach about how I'm supposed to be,
Yet you don't you know your own sexuality

Lies feed your judgement of others
Behold how the blind lead each other
The philosopher... You know so much about nothing at all

Spiderman/LotR/Bond: Those are movies I've seen just like Star Wars, Blade Runner, the Superman and the Batman ones, Independence Day and similar, and even more pathetically Titanic, Braveheart, The First Knight, and the like, heheh etc. JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT. BUT! Bond is the Best, even more the Vintage Bond! I've always loved those movies and I'm actually looking forward to see them all again, beginning with the acid "Casino Royale", just to see Woody Allen in that weird role... So I suggest you stop geeking on every form of entertainment and relax and enjoy them. I'm a total LotR ignorant and I plan to stay that way, I'm not gonna waste my precious time reading fiction books when:

1. I already did that in school reading the master, Jules Verne.
2. I can only brag about that with geeks and not beautiful stupid girls.
3. I see no intellectual aggregate on that, and
4. I have more important things to do, like breathing for example.

Geek out!

Hernán [8:32 PM] -

Apology to a true friend.

Ok. It's no secret I'm known (between the people who knows me of course) by so many evil things:

- I have a big mouth
- I am indiscrete (imprudente, hablador, lenguaraz, confiado, incauto... imprudente)
- I cant call the people who crosses my way if it isnt by some { offensive | pejorative } nickname
- I laugh at all of you indiscriminatedly, sometimes for no reason, sometimes without knowing you
- I have the most scary ability to notice everyone's faults (or Achilles' heel)
- ...or the ability to find out just to whom (or what) you look exactly alike
- I dont care for no one but me
- I'm a lonely person (as lonely as it gets) because of that, and that is why my relationships suck.

And girls/women... they never complain about the same thing (I'm like Windows 98 for them):

- Once I was too little and childish (not enough for women wannabes) and another time I was too grown up (cool for mature women).
- Another time I was too depending on my father and another time I was self-sufficient and the loneliest being ever.
- Once I was a metalhead (goth looks with no manners) and then I was from the neo-candy generation ("it's all about style, you know. Tsk.")
- Another time I looked like a total beggar and another (funny time) I was a money wasting machine.
- Once I was no one (intellectually speaking) and then I was unreacheable (intellectually speaking)
- I also played the lame for someone (that girl was hardcore!), and for some other it seemed like I lived too much (HA!).

That takes me to 3 conclusions:

1. I am never enough for no one.
2. There's no sense in trying to change.
3. I have true friends - who pay no attention to that.

I've changed a lot, and many times, those who really know me can tell. Looks, thoughts, friends, hobbies, drinks. The funny thing is I'm dangerously accumulating attitudes, which is good, for now, 'cause some of my friends can't tell the difference from school time until now, but it will take me to either one of two:

1. A monster who can ultimately talk to anyone.
2. ...Or a being with no personality at all.

Heheh. I know some of you dislike me (or dislike some attitudes in me that make you dislike me), and guess what. You'll have to live with it, cause I'm forgetting about it. I'm leaving change to free will. Come what may.

Despite the horrible things I've said about my friends, they stay with me:

- Omar Salazar is a person true to himself (which I'm sometimes not), who fights for his own peace and space, despite his turbulent home environment. Likes dark (and sometimes romantic) music, poetry, magic and mystic tales. I lost the magic about things long ago. (that's why I dont find very interesting LotR and Harry Potter)
- Alexis Ariza is the biggest philanthropist and idealist I've known. He's capable of generating the most interesting ideas from ashes, or doing incredible things from people he barely knows. Also, he likes the beauty of style, much more than the beauty of the form. Or mind. :) Has teached me so much, and is my head psychologist.
- What I admire in Diego Campos, is his ability to ignore his friends' opinions on him, and to ignore friends' needs unless they fit his own. You should only care about you (said someone I dont wanna remember). I sometimes care too much about what people say or want. Also, he's the funniest of all my friends, especially when with Gustavo Palacios.
- Carlos Carvajal.com is always right. Despite his sarcastic and destructive-criticist way to say things, he's right. And he has proven himself intelligent, hard-working and ambicious in a city that doesn't want non of that.
- Richard Tamayo, has never had the resources he may have wanted, but that idea never runs through your head. Another incredible mind, too bad Alexis and him compete so much instead of finally joining efforts, like in the good old times.
- Luis Daniel Pineda never stops surprising me. He's became a computing scientist and now he works in a bank, leading the technological horizon to the Banco Aliadas, and stays a friend even when I look just like when we met at school. The biggest (in size) of my friends, he's a nightmare for any serious sportsman in this country to compete to.
- Edwin Perez is the only friend I made in Los Andes that calls to say hi-how-you-doing. He taught to me all I know about hardware, and I keep him up with java.
- Sergio Garcia, Juan Camilo Latorre and Eduardo Miranda are total geeks and so introverted to let see something. But I like them even when they dont like me that much. I remember Sergio's help with C++, is good when a geek doesn't keep the basics to himself. He tries to do justice to everything, always trying to make the correct decision and say the correct words, just like Juan Camilo, and they dare to make statements. I can talk to Juan Camilo, he doesnt dislike me, as does Eduardo. No secret there. As for him, well... he's Eduardo.

I've been a friend to these guys, or tried. No girls there huh, may be that All you say to a girl may and will be used against you?

Hate bye.

Hernán [12:55 AM] -

[ Tuesday, January 21, 2003 ]

Slapping porno in front of the Fountains of Bellagio

Well after 3 intense weeks of cuasi-deserved travelling, I'm in Bogota and I'm ridiculously tired, I slept today to almost noon, woke to have breakfast, and now I plan to write this stuff and go to sleep again. I'm gonna copy sergio's style to write some ideas that will come to mind just now:

- You know how I feel about California, they waste everything because they never had a lack of anything (time, money, space, brains...). But the people there was nice, even cool, from the young to the old, beginning to end. I never felt hypocrisy coming from them, which for me, is the worst feeling ever. I can't say that about latinos.

- Again, hypocrisy is the worst method to deceive and trick people. I forgot about that but this trip made me remember...

- To live Las Vegas loca you need: 1. Time, 5 days at least. 2. To shit money (and dont flush it!). 3. A serious, responsible adult. 4. Friends (get both guys and girls), to rebel to the adult, and to spend time with someone when the adult falls drunk on some spot at las vegas blvd. Remember: Women, in all situations in life, talk pejoratively about men. You get to know about all of their relationship failures, and dont you dare doubting it, there's always a man to blame. blah.

- The 5 five days needed for touring las Vegas is assuming you have your girlfriend by your side, so you can go wasting a full day on the bedroom without any remorse.

- You all gotta go to las Vegas. I thought I had seen pretty much what the USA were all about, but with las vegas I went WOW. They say you can spot the city from space, which I believe because it's simply shiny. Las vegas is also the monument to the human opulence, I cant imagine how much does it cost a whole week (not for a tourist, the total expenses please) of the caesar's palace, the luxor, the mirage, the bellagio, the mandalay bay, the MGM grand, the new york, the venetian, the paris and the monte carlo (where I stayed) just to name some of the hotels, which are the best in the world. There's gondola rides, the fountains of bellagio, replicas of the statue of liberty, the empire state building, times square, egypt's sphinx and pyramids, la tour eiffel, etc, the shows of blue man group (remember Intel's Pentium III TV commercial?) and le cirque du soleil, etc. So much to do so little time and money *snif*...

- Sigfried and Roy's ego has no limits. If you aren't fed up in las vegas with their gayest image and their tigers... you are some alien gay fiend or something else I dont know.

- You'll love also the screens located everywhere.. they look like big liquid crystal and active matrix screens... what you wont love, is what they show... sigfired and roy, and a lot of other shows which I'm not interested in: rita rudner, danny gans, ray romano (God I hate ray romano!!!), and offers and promotions and discounts...

- Everything's so fucking expensive in las vegas and california. Everything.

- There's losers and latinos who are paid to distribute porn cards promising unforgetable fire, girls, porn, hardcore... whores. But they make those cards, panfletes, and magazines sound like a slap... It chraged me with unimaginable hate! "I already saw you loser! why do you keep making that stupid slaping noise then??"

- Each casino is endless, and you cant take pictures or film there... or a big black security guard will begin barking at you...

- They let you in to everywhere even when you're ridiculously drunk. As long as you have money, of course :).

Ok, wait the next update, has nothing to do with Vegas tho... it deals with my friends, you may be there.

Hate you all.

Hernán [3:41 PM] -

[ Tuesday, January 14, 2003 ]

Dream of Californication

So what! I missed my Los Angeles connection because we, Iguazos, are ridiculously lazy, so I was at the american airlines counter line at about 2 hours before the flight departure (not 3, would have been much easier), the flight was suposed to depart at 8:10 AM, and we ended up departing at 9:00! What does this mean? That when you get to US immigration you wont have time enough to catch your next connection, and that's what happened. Gringos at customs here are soooooo sloooooowwww... they look at you, they ask anything rapidly and then begin typing slowwwly... then you have to go get your baggage and go through customs... fuck. So they rescheduled the whole thing, but here I am, as my friend Alexis says: "relax and enjoy it" which is my mantra here...

I have learned something this time in the US... being California the most hated place by the rest of the gringos because they dont worry about life (they only go surfing, skateboarding, listening to linkin park, "take it easy duuuude" they wave, they're cool because that's their nature), but well, what I've learned is that GRINGOS WASTE IN SUCH RIDICULOUS WAYS!!! In iguazoland we are taught to spend only the necesary, and to look for the cheapest of the offers... but here everything's so fucking expensive that there's nothing more to do than laugh at it.. relax and enjoy it... yesterday I went with Carolina, my friend here, to Los Angeles (I think it's so similar to Chicago, full of black menacing specimens, an ugly city to look at, would say any californian) and we decided to look for a parking lot... we found some kind of mall, after 2 hours we got back and how much? "20.25 please".

They waste too much money, too much space (everything's so away from other things), families here practically dont exist. There's too much drugs (it's so fun for them to smoke "weed" because obviously it's forbidden, and because it's so expensive! A friend of Carolina went to some nice house, over to a friend's, and he spent 10 dollars in weed. What was it? A LEAVE!!! HAHAHAH We couldn't believe they guy, he'd go nuts in iguazoland, finding the whole brick of weed for a little more hahahahahahah)... they waste their lives...

California is the most beautiful american place I've been to. And weirdest too... There's a lot of beaches, with frozen water. You can't get into it until laaaaate summer, when the water gets a little warmer. I dont know how they made so many baywatch episodes.. the vegetation is that from a desert, this is a desert! but is so foggy you cant see a thing in 5 meters. Strange piece of land.

By the way, Hollywood was not what I expected. The walk of fame, where all the stars get stepped on, is full of small stores, with decadent subjects, perfect for goths and metalheads... skulls, black t-shirts (with manson saying "Got milk?"), tatoos, incense smell everywhere... just like our beloved Calle 19, right in Bogota's downtown, home to the infamous Nutabes. I felt so at home... so much junk to buy and then ignore... and so many losers, everywhere... heheh. Capitol Records building is 70's fashioned, funnyly is an attraction here... why? dunno. (Maybe because Dave Mustaine tried to suicide by jumping from it?)

Tomorrow I'll leave for a place even more "wasty", Las Vegas, NV. Dig it (and hate it, as they would say "muerdanse de la envidia, ya tengo mi fotito con el letrero de HOLLYWOOD!") heheh

Hernán [2:12 PM] -

[ Saturday, January 11, 2003 ]

-Evil- hair all over my -Atari- chest

Well my friends here I am at the marvelous California (2 months later: fuckin' stupid waves... :) ) didnt think I was able to blog so soon, but I had to. There's something I'd like to make public (among us obviously) and it is The Evil tale of Evil Atari (TM)... it is a twisted story about a simple console man called Atari, who, when furious, turns into a Big Evil Atari ... and it kills and kills, to the used-to-it eyes of the friends... it is so twisted that it even involves a character full of hair, growing constanly in every part of his body *whistles*... it is being written at this very moment by one of the most evil minds on earth, the same very moments in which I'm thinking about my literary contribution to the Evil list. Wait a little, until I get to Bogota again..

Vulpecula says he doesnt like the evil graph... Damn him (in the good way), "Por hacer mas hace menos"... The more sergio does the less he gets...

Hate ya, handful of freaks.

Hernán [8:33 PM] -

[ Wednesday, January 08, 2003 ]

Yo soy Hernán Crespo y vengo de la Punta del Este...

I went to Melgar last friday with my friends pigidik (a.k.a Diego Borgetti, soon to have a blog) and curubo (a.k.a Gustavo Granelli), and it turns out that, when they want something (in a very easy going way) they begin talking like argentinians. No mistery here, Iguazo people can't look at foreigners without feeling funny... especially gringos and argentinians. Sure we all babble all sorts of shit when refering to them, but make no mistake... one of them appears, and we all "get down on (our) knees... and pray to the Coooowww Goooooooood!!!", so this is what they practice and sometimes they get discounts from nowhere, like this pizza place ("hot pizz burguer", funny name huh?) attended by some Melgar girl named Nayive (veni nashiveeeaa, dame un besitoooaaa), who gave curubo a 15% discount (I think) on some pizza slices we ordered just because IT WAS HIS SECOND TIME THERE!!! Can you imagine that kind of discounts, going to a place twice??

I ended up saying something like "Y(sh)o soy Hernán Cre'(s)po y vengo de la punta del e'(s)te"...

...

In an advance for the blog to come by pigidik, I found this interesting link, for all of you, especially for sergio, edo, javo and viralex who live outside of the lands of the infamous "realismo mágico" (or Iguazolandia, whichever you like). This link will surely make you remember how grossly funny vallenato music can get. Enjoy yourselves. By the way, have you looked for "iguazoland" on google today??

This year promise: this blog will get very "literary", vulpecula understands...

This saturday I finally leave to Escondido, CA, maybe I'll blog from there "si Dios quiere".

Hernán [10:47 PM] -

[ Friday, January 03, 2003 ]

Open sound of Violence

It seems like yesterday (although aprox. 2 years have passed) when Richard Tamayo (Honored thesis communicator), Alexis Ariza (Respected psychologist and thinker) and me (a left 0) planned our dream for our prides and chicanery's sake: We'd make the most clever publicity agency this country has seen. Richard would be the designer, flash animator and would be in charge of printed forms, I would do the dirty programmational work involved in web pages, catalogues and portfolios, and also be in charge of the music needed, and Alexis would be the commercial section and would help with ideas... we'd grow as needed. All this, framed by a general consensus of inconformity with the "creative" works being done in our country, and we had enough pride to try to assume the international creative imagery of this iguazo lands through our proposal...

The project failed. But there is something to remark from that day: We went to in vitro bar, to have some "vodkitas" and, as usual, our conversations were dense in intellectual content (well, their conversations, but I understand and also try to talk in my very own way and make myself clear :) ) so one of the ideas that surfaced, was the idea of making open music. Understand it as: music you can get and can do anything with it, given the respective credits. We thought it would be interesting to hear music composed by a lot of people from different parts of the world...

Needed is:

- Web disk space like hell

- A standard music format. That is, a format capable of storing events to happen in a given moment, kinda MIDI fashion, but capable of working with sampled sounds (much like wavetable sound cards work) rather than FM synthesis generated sounds (soundblaster 16 and nintendo anyone?) and also capable of storing patterns of events, that would be repeated as needed. This last feature would reduced file size and would facilitate creation of musical pieces based of multiple "sound layers" as I call them (electronic music basis).

- Sampled sounds. Contributed by people all over the world (Hey! I sampled my old telecaster through a vintage 1965 amp and it sounds like this!!)

- Learning (or acquiring) musical tempo algorithms. Tempo is the heart of making a computer song. And for me, the software would be able to determine the tempo from a wave file, given the amount of beats and their length (resoultion) (Take this file, it's supposed to have 4 4/4 bars. What's the tempo?) Bar changes are very important too, I know there's a lot of plane 4/4 songs, but I think is fair to offer more capabilities.

- Learning (or acquiring) the algorithms for a lot of wave effects, namely: echo, chorus, reverb, delay, distortion, cut out, resolution, frequency filters, and I could go on (tremolo, double, harmonizer...)

- A software application that gives enough interface to handle the above mentioned. Maybe in C++, portable to "open systems" like linux.

- A web system that facilitates the creation of an "open music community", people who would download the samples, the song files and the software and experiment with it, apporting new ideas to a song, new sounds, etc.

- A big and generous economical benefactor would help. Patrocinador que llaman.

I know, I know, there's the reason file format, and the reason reFill format (song and samples formats), but they belong exclusively to propellerheads software (or stainberg) and I dont think they would give us the specs for free... But perhaps there's a way to read those formats, which must be great, and incorporate them to our software... a world of possibilities and challenges... I also know about Csound, I wasnt born like yesterday :)

Eduardo Miranda resucitated that idea in my mind, talking through ICQ, he also thought of open music, and he's a programmer (not a hey-I'm-a-putas-go-and-do-this thinker like my initial friends - no offense). I also have the design of Macondo, a musical sequencer project at Universidad de los Andes, I did the piano roll view, and that was my thesis: C++, Gnome, GTK, GDK, Xlib... linux.

Hate you goodbye. Song that comes to mind: "I feel like I wanna be inside of you.. when the sun goes down" (Sound of Violence by Cassius the dance song of 2002)

Hernán [10:03 AM] -